Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
