I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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