yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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