We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize