Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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