She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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