So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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