I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
