I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
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The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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