On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
