I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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