I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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