i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.