Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.