Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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