my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
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I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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