The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
