I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize