btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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