Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
