gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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