I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up