I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My ATM looks so different sober.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level