hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.