tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
