Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
