dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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