My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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