walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
