remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
