I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
