I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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