i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
