At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
