there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize