Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
