Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
