I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
