you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If I die, sorry about rent.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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