please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
