My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You took a bar mat shot.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
