He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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