Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
