i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize