i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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