And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize