she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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