Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
