I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
