I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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