she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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