I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
