What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you didnt know i had herpes?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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