"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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